Awaken the Ancient Wisdom Within
14 years ago I was 430 pounds, severely depressed, suicidal and was told by the people closest to me that I was a black cloud. That I ruined everything. I felt like a burden in this world, worthless and dumped by my fiancé of four years in a text message, I finally had a breakthrough.
It began with meeting an incredible Life Coach who gave me the homework of starting a gratitude practice and writing down affirmations. Helping to shift my inner narrative of negativity that ran through my mind.
I then started by taking a walk around my block. It slowly became everyday, and each day I found I could go a bit further. I started incorporating Yoga daily with YouTube videos. After a year and a half I walked my way up to 7 miles and lost over a hundred pounds never stepping foot into a gym or going on some crazy diet.
After a few years of walking I went back to school and received my Degree in Baking & Pastry Arts. I had also started going to Kundalini Yoga classes at a Studio where after 5 years I ended up doing my Yoga Teacher Training 200 hours in 2018.
It was an intense process, a deeper unraveling of the trauma that was stored in my body. I spent 6 months in this training and 6 months unpacking what I had experienced. At the end of those 6 months I found myself called to Reiki. I had no idea what it was but it was popping up everywhere. I felt a deep calling towards studying this energy healing practice.
I spent 2019 expanding in ways I could have never imagined. After years of suppressing deeply buried trauma and emotions, Reiki helped me bring up the emotions I had been avoiding, everything that I had forgotten. It was the hammer that finally cracked the glass.
I had been in and out of therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists offices since I was 12 years old. I was 12 was when I was diagnosed with “major depression” and given my first antidepressant. At 16 years old I was given the label of “severe anxiety” and more pills. At 21 after I had built up a tolerance to antidepressants, I was told I had Bipolar II. I was given new pills that led me to some of the darkest years of my life.
I had spent years battling my own mind. At 26 years old I began questioning these thoughts and choosing to change them. Starting by healing my mind led me to begin healing my body. Looking back I can see I was preparing a solid foundation within myself to remember the deeper secrets I had buried.
After my Reiki 1 and 2 Attunement I noticed how sick my body was getting from the Lithium I had been on for over 7 years. I slowly weened myself off of the pharmaceutical drugs. During my Reiki Master training in the Fall of 2018 I experienced my first Soul Retrieval. This is when the dreams started to surface, the memories of the sexual abuse, the fractured pieces of my Soul finally feeling safe to come forward and help me remember the truth.
I was 4 years old the first time I was raped. I was told I was wicked, that was the "reason" they did it. This was also the age I was the first time I tried to kill myself. A memory that surfaced during yoga teacher training during a week we were practicing hip openers.
We may not consciously remember, but the abuse, the trauma is written all over our body. Our body, our body's elemental, our nervous system never forgets anything until we are ready to acknowledge, feel and release it.
The sexual abuse continued to happen throughout my life. I was repeatedly sexually assaulted while attending the church youth group from 4th grade to 8th grade. I was relieved to move states at age 13, I began to feel free for the first time in my life. I had a new beginning. Shortly after moving my Father started having an affair, My parents got divorced when I was 16, we moved again.
After spending years trying to take care of everyone else in my family I was beyond exhausted and sank into a deep depression. By the time I was 18 years old, a senior in high school, a week after I tried to kill myself after being bullied for months by my “best friend” at the time, I was raped by my doctor in the psych ward.
These were the memories that finally made themselves known. In 2018 these snippets of feelings, memories surfacing of deeply buried trauma. I began to have dreams of the trauma, my inner child was finally starting to feel safe to come forward, as I was ready to listen.
It was 2021 when I was finally able to face the monster I had been running from. I was able to speak my truth to the person who had hurt me the most.
I went through a monumental shift that year. Experiences of chaos that set me free from the rage, the pain, the anger, the programming of victimhood I had been operating from.
I put myself first. I walked away. I choose to do the deep inner work that I had been avoiding. To feel and acknowledge the mountains of pain, sadness and rage that festered in my mind, body and soul. To face the victim mode I was operating from.
We have guides, we have God, we have the Universe, we have healers, our Ancestors to walk with us on this journey.
But it is in these moments when we are reliving the flashbacks, when we are curled in the fetal position on the floor just trying to breathe and find the strength to comfort ourselves while the memories flash vividly and our body releases the terror we take our fucking power back!
When we choose to feel and release the emotions, the pain and not numb ourselves we take our fucking power back and we come back into our body!
No one on this Earth can heal you except YOU and we will unconsciously attract trauma into our lives until we choose to break the trauma loop!
When we rise up and say enough! I will not continue to let this trauma define me or rule my life anymore! I will not hand my power over to another, I will not hold onto this anger or resentment anymore! I will NOT pass my pain onto another!
No one really talks about how much violence we go through to find softness, to find joy, to find peace, compassion, forgiveness, mercy and love within ourselves. It is a destructive process.
Awakening and living fully present at peace in our hearts is a complete unraveling of everything we have ever been told. All the lies and the programming of shame and guilt. All must come back into the light.
To do “Shadow Work” is to literally bring the unconscious to the conscious. It is not about fighting your “inner demons”. It is about facing yourself with love, compassion and forgiveness for the pieces of yourself you have forgotten. That you have buried, belittled, hidden out of fear of not being worthy, fear of not being loved, fear of getting hurt.
When we bring the shadow, the unconscious to the light we remember the truth of who we are. That we are Eternal Beings of Light. Those who choose to operate and play the role of “dark” are merely helping us to remember this deeper truth.
This Earthly Life in this physical vessel is here to assist us in experiencing what it is to be human. The abuse we have all experienced and endured is horrendous and yet we can find mercy, compassion and forgiveness for those who have lost sight of their light.
We can choose to not keep passing on the pain! We can choose to break these cycles of fear and abuse!
It takes time, patience and courage to let go. To choose to stop operating from the pain and choose love. To choose forgiveness and release yourself from the weight of suffering, the illusion of this painful world begins to fade because we can feel the unity and oneness of all.
The journey my Soul choose to take has been a long arduous process of breaking myself free of the pain, the misery, the guilt, the shame of my ancestors who have long been stuck in loops of trauma. Our Ancestors stuck in loops unsure of how to break free of these addictions to suffering.
We are the ones who have come to put an end to the misery programs and Awaken the Ancient Wisdom within us. It is time to wake up from this dream! To step into the life you are worthy of living!
It is safe to come home to yourself, to your body. It is safe to remember the light that you truly are! It is safe to connect and remember the Ancient Wisdom that is within your Heart.
We have a created a New Course to help support and deepen your connection to your Body and the Earth.
Helping you to feel safe and deepen your faith and trust within your heart. Awakening and Connecting to the Ancient Wisdom within.
🐉 Grounding With the Dragon Elementals: A Light Language Foundations Course 🐉
Join us for this 6 week Journey with the Elemental Dragons as we explore and Attune to the elements of Earth, Air, Fire and Water.
Connect with your Body’s Elemental, your Consciousness of the Sacred Vessel that your Soul has chosen to experience this earthly life with. Deepen your faith and trust within your heart, your body and your mind.
We begin February 22nd, 2024 LIVE on Zoom with a healing journey with Mother Earth through our Chakras. Remembering our Sacred Connection to Earth, our sacred Mother who guides and provides all.
To learn more about this Course please check out our website! Payment Plans available 🌹
Check out our latest YouTube Video to learn more about our Body Elemental and why it's an important part of our journey 🌎🐉🌹
Sending you love and blessings 💙
Gretchen Olivia Bouchard
